Mirror Synchronicity: Ninjas on the mind

For the past two months, I have been working on an article connecting ninjutsu to hospice. I read multiple books and wrote my article. I sent it to our editor and then she had several changes which I found discouraging. I let the article sit for another two weeks and then finally resolved to finish it.  You can read it here if you're interested...

Immediately after I finished it, I texted my one of the other editors to let him know that it was finally done. Then I looked at the mail stack that my husband had left for me, and I had a Postcrossing postcard from Japan with tiny ninja stickers on it.

The following day, I received another package in the mail and it was Japanese Newsweek with an article that I was in!

I think I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese.,. I really think so. Honestly though, I love Japan. My family was stationed in Okinawa when I was an infant and I was told at one time my first words were Japanese... 

Mirror Synchronicity: Hong Kong Death Cafe

You may or may not have made the connection between this blogger and the Death Cafe movement. Yes, I'm the same Lizzy Miles. I was planning my trip to Hong Kong in June to present the Death Cafe concept at The International Conference on Grief and Bereavement.  Since a fellow Death Cafe host was going with me to present, I thought we could possibly host or co-host a Death Cafe in Hong Kong. I was at the Association for Death Education and Counseling conference in late April and I met Professor Andy Ho from Hong Kong University. I spoke with him briefly at the conference and mentioned that I thought it would be cool to have a Death Cafe in Hong Kong. After the conference I sent an email asking for help in finding a co-host. 

Extract from email I sent on May 4 to Professor Andy Ho: 
What would be needed from our local hosts: 
1. Finding a location (detailed specs below) 
2. Help to spread the word locally (co-design a flyer/send emails/ post on social media/ talk to media) 
3. Help with co-hosting event (3-6:30pm on 6/14) 

On May 8th, completely unrelated to the email I sent, I received an email through the Deathcafe.com website: 

Dear Lizzy,
A friend and I are planning to set up a death cafe in Hong Kong. I read the International Conference on Grief & Bereavement website and wish to know which date and time your sharing will be. 
Regards, Carmen 

I wrote Carmen back and did not mention dates but said that I was already in discussion with Hong Kong University folks regarding hosting an event. Again, I did not mention any dates. 

Carmen wrote back on May 9th and said: 
For the hosting of Death Cafe, I am planning to be at 3pm-5pm on 14th /15th June. 

Carmen picked the EXACT DATE and TIME I had suggested to Professor Ho. I got chills. I knew then that this would be a momentous occasion. From that point forward the coordination and organization by the Hong Kong hosts was incredible. As it ended up, I had the opportunity to attend the event as a guest and I was not even needed as a host.  During the event, I was so moved by the experience and the magnitude of it all. Attendees expressed deep gratitude for the creation of a safe place to have conversations about the taboo topic of death and dying.

The event was covered by the media that evening on television and the following day in the South China Morning Post.

Columbus, OH Death Café #6: The Power of Ritual

 January 9, 2013

The Death Café events never cease to amaze me in the variety of attendees, which leads to unique conversations each time.  This Death Café had some repeat attendees and some new ones.  Mix in an attendee with a Master’s in Transpersonal Psychology and an attendee who is a funeral home director and you’re going to have an interesting dialogue.

Words that were used to describe this event include: open, participating, enlightening, refreshing and therapeutic.

Just recently, TLC aired the first episode of the Best Funeral Ever.  This show has caused quite a stir in the media where journalists have used the phrases, “that’s disgusting” and “trivializes death.”  Death is supposed to be private, they say.  Attendees at the Death Café do not necessarily agree with that sentiment.  Those of us in attendance realize that we are a minority.  We acknowledge our mortality and the mortality of those around us.  As a facilitator, I usually try not to direct the conversation, but I could not help but ask about the professional mourners that I had seen on the show.  Professional mourners were individuals who were hired to attend the services and display outward signs of emotion.

“Are those people for real?”

“Yes,” the funeral home director told me.

“Could I be one?”

“You might not fit in,” he said.  He went on to explain that the professional mourners actually do serve a purpose to allow others to grieve openly.  He told me with the African American culture, there is a strong desire to keep emotions in check.  This rings true to me because in my hospice work I have heard repeatedly, “I have to be strong for the others.”

At this Death Café we talked about how we are a pain avoiding society.  People avoid funerals because they are afraid to experience pain.  They don’t realize that the funerals are healing experiences.  Even planning the funeral can be a healing process because it allows families to really think about how they want to honor their loved one.

We talked about how the television show calls the funerals “Celebration of life.” Then someone brought up that not every death is a celebration of life.  Especially not if it was a tragic accident.  Or murder.  Or a mass shooting of school children.

The room got quiet when someone brought up Sandyhook.  We sat still with the pain.

Someone pondered if these mass shooting events made people think more about death.  We concluded that one cannot help but think about it in the moment but people try to forget about death as soon as they can.  The mass shootings seem to make us more avoidant.  It is so painful that we want to run away, change the channel.  Avoid, avoid, avoid.

This led us to discuss how we talk about death with our children and how we, as children, were first exposed to death.

The conversation was not entirely serious though.  We talked about the cathartic experience of going through a loved one’s possessions.  That it is good to get your affairs in order to a point, but the process of sorting through belongings sometimes forces families to come together and grieve together.  Surprisingly, that even sorting through “stuff” can help heal.

We talked about so much more than what could be summarized here, but you’ll just have to come to a Death Café for yourself to see what it is like.  The next Columbus Death Café is February 6^th.  No RSVP required.  The event will be from 7-9 p.m. at the Westerville Panera 782 N. State Street.  Please contact Lizzymiles@gmail.com with questions.

We now have a Facebook page to advertise our events.  Please “like” us at:

https://www.facebook.com/ColumbusDeathCafe

As always, to follow Death Café events worldwide, please visit www.deathcafe.com

Directional Synchronicity: Gen Silent Day of Synchronicities

Do you ever have one of those days where everything seems to be synchronous?  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I went to attend a film screening and panel discussion of the movie Gen Silent.

As a side-bar, the movie is a powerful story about LGBT elders and how historical LGBT discrimination leads many elders to go back into the closet (or never come out.)  I would highly recommend viewing this film.  If you don't know any elders who are gay, that could be because they haven't felt comfortable enough sharing.

The Student
My former supervisor told me her current student Stephanie was going to be at the movie.  She wanted me to meet Stephanie, because Stephanie has the role that I used to have when I was a student.  I asked what Stephanie looked like and she told me Stephanie had slightly red hair and glasses.  That's it.

When I saw how crowded the the theater was, I though there was no way I would ever find her as there were over one hundred people.  Then it occurred to me to just take a seat and Stephanie would come to me.  Now Stephanie did not know her supervisor wanted us to meet, so she was not on the lookout for me.
Yet, lo and behold, a young woman with red hair and glasses sat down diagonally in front of me.

I asked her if she was Stephanie S. and she said, "Yes?!" and was quite confused because she did not know me.  I told her who I was and immediately she was shocked.  How did you know it was me?  I grinned and told her I was psychic.  We got to chat about her internship and I gave her some advice from my experience there.  Later on, she was still shaking her head.  I told her that is how synchronicity works.

The Phone Call
I had been told I would be receiving a phone call from a human resources person to set up an interview for next week.  Since the movie and panel discussion was set to go until after 5:00 p.m. I was worried that I would miss the call.  I had my phone volume turned off.  Luckily, the call come in during the only ten minute break, so I did not miss it.  Perhaps just a coincidence, but I felt that it was synchronous.

The Introduction
After the movie screening and panel discussion there was a 'resource exchange' meeting where social workers could share ideas.  It was crowded, and the person I wanted to talk to was busy,  So it happened that I ended up next to my former professor who was talking to a student who has many of the same interests as I do.  The student is very passionate about hospice and end-of-life issues, and I just happened to be in need of someone to co-facilitate my next Death Cafe event.  She is available and was so grateful for the opportunity.  As another synchronicity, her mother was standing next to her and we knew each other from somewhere but I got called away before I could figure it out.

Mirror Synchronicity: Let's Talk about Death

Tonight on ABC World News, Diane Sawyer introduced The Conversation Project, an initiative to get families talking about end-of-life choices.  A family was chosen for the story to have the discussion in front of the cameras.  In the interviews, and in the subsequent article, the father can be seen multiple times wearing clothes with an Ohio State logo.

Ohio State is located in Columbus, OH, which was the home of the first Death Cafe in the United States.  It appears Columbus folks are ready to have the conversation.

Life and Death Questions

Here's a summary from the Columbus, Ohio Death Café #3 September 24, 2012

I am continually amazed at the diversity of conversations that arise from the Death Café events.  Each event is unique and the variety stems from the topics brought up by the participants.  While Maria and I call ourselves facilitators, we are more like hosts that start the conversation.  Where the conversation goes is entirely up to the attendees.

Among the 17 attendees, we had multiple groups of people who came to the event together.  We had three siblings, a mother and daughter, and multiple sets of friends.  People are sometimes surprised when I ask them to sit apart from their friend or family.  The reason I do this is because the greatest enjoyment of the event comes from hearing multiple perspectives and sharing one’s own story.

We started out the evening in small groups.  The intimacy of the small group structure allows for everyone to have a chance to speak, and it is less intimidating.  As I moved from group to group, I was touched by the openness and empathy expressed in such a short period of time.

As with every Death Café, last night we talked about a wide range of topics.  There were a lot of questions pondered.  Is it normal to think about dying every day?  Which is worse to experience – the sudden death of a loved one, or watching them suffer for a prolonged period of time?  Is a viewing necessary?  What if I don’t agree with my family on how a funeral should be put together?  How do you define quality of life?  Why can’t I chose when I will die?  What happens after we die?

There is something special about the Death Café.  It creates that space to have the conversations that we can’t seem to have anywhere else.  My interest in the Death Café was sparked from my experience as a hospice worker.  I found that wherever I went, once I mentioned hospice, strangers would immediately share their stories with me.  I realized that these people needed to share their stories and there really was nowhere safe for them to do so.  There is now.

The beauty of the Death Café is that it brings people together who want to talk about the “taboo” topic of death (and all that it entails).  Many of the attendees reported in their surveys that in addition to telling their own story, they found comfort in hearing the stories of others.  The participants who have come to the Death Café events have a wide variety of backgrounds.  The diversity of experiences, beliefs and opinions contributes to the in-depth discussions that we have.

Many of the participants intend to return for more Death Café discussions.

There will be more Death Cafe events in Columbus.  For updates, follow _Lizzy_ on Twitter,  circle Lizzy Miles on Google+, or visit deathcafe.com

Mirror Synchronicity: Death Cafe & Death By Gun

When I was putting together my Kickstarter campaign for the Death Cafe, I needed to come up with images for the t-shirts that we were going to offer as rewards.  I called my artist friend Jay Schuh and asked him if he could create ironic images of the worst ways to die.  At first he was a little shocked, but then he said, "Oh what the heck, it might be fun."  (That might have come after I told him he could make some serious money.)
It was meant to be a statement piece of this is my worst fear.  For me, it was Death By Crocodile, and that was the first piece that I asked Jay to design.  It was the first one that he created and I used it as the cornerstone of my campaign.  I made a t-shirt, and I talk about it in my Kickstarter video.

Well, I think Jay liked doing the Death By art, because he then gave me a couple more.




I loved the Death By Shark and the Death By Poison, but then Jay created the Death By Gun.  It was my least favorite because I felt it was a bit more serious and less campy.  Perhaps I sensed it was more likely to happen and thus less ironic.  Yet, I included it in the campaign anyway, because it was another striking example of his art and he had already created it.

Death By Gun art is now the thorn in my side. I should have trusted my instincts. Only one person ordered the t-shirt, but there was a minimum order of 12 per image. My vendor suggested that maybe I might want to ask the donor if they would be willing to switch to another shirt. I said I didn't want to ask that because they donated the money already and I did not want to put them on the spot. I also happen to know the person who requested the shirt and I know that he really likes video games. Other than that he is a liberal. So I resigned myself to buying 11 extra Death By Gun t-shirts, thinking that I'd have to figure out a way to sell them.



Here's where I see the synchronicity with the shirt. Our first Death Cafe in the U.S. was July 19. We talked about all sorts of subjects related to death, dying and living. Then later that evening, after midnight, the Aurora shootings happened. Sadly, this event re-focused America on the subject of death.  It also re-opened the whole gun debate in America.

Overnight, the Death By Gun t-shirt suddenly makes a statement, but I'm not quite sure what it says.

Mirror Synchronicity: Worst Ways to Die

Those who don't believe in synchronicities will surely scoff at this one.  I have a history of being led to  books.  I have written about synchronicities more than once, here, here, and also a synchronicity story I wrote about in my book that I never posted.

I felt directed to Half Price Books, although I wasn't sure why.  There was no book I had in mind except for maybe something related to the Death Cafe.

I was just about to leave the store, figuring my hunch was wrong, when I turned around and found three copies of this book for only $3 each.

The reason I found it to be synchronous is because the Death Cafe was on my mind.  The art images that we printed on t-shirts to raise money for the Death Cafe event were all based on ideas of our worst fear of dying.  (Mine is crocodile, what's yours?)  Here are the images that we are putting on t-shirts:

I had never heard of this book before, but I thought they would be good to have on tables at the event as conversation starters.

Mirror Synchronicity: The Turkey Vulture

A few weeks ago, an animal unfortunately died in our garage. We thought we smelled something bad, but when the turkey vultures started hanging around our back deck, we knew for sure there must be a dead animal. My husband tore apart the garage, found the source of the smell, and relocated it to the woods.

Two weeks later, the smell is gone (at least to us) but the turkey vultures remain. There are two and I see them on the porch several times a day. If I think about it too much it makes me a little crazy. Is there something they know that we don't? Is it a sign that death is on the horizon? They really do feel quite ominous. (Not to mention they poop a lot on the deck and are annoying for that fact alone.)

Or is this a lighthearted synchronicity to acknowledge my work on the Death Cafe? Really the whole idea of the Death Cafe is to raise death awareness. How better to symbolically represent that than to have vultures standing around.

I took this picture of the turkey vulture today and then I got online to one of my social networks.  I had not yet posted anything about my new vulture friends, but one of my connections had linked to a blog that talked about crows and had a beautiful drawing of a turkey vulture. 

It remains to be seen whether there is more to this story regarding an actual death on the horizon.  Let's hope it is not anytime soon.