Directional Synchronicity: The Right Time

The more hospice experiences I have, the more sure I am that there is a significance and a plan to the timing of a patient's death.  I have written about timing before here.  Today I was on my way to sit bedside with a patient who was actively dying.  I will call him "Ed."  I was supposed to start at 8 am but I felt directed to get there a few minutes early.  Sure enough, when I walked back to the room, the whole family was there and they told me that he had just passed.

Ed's daughter, whom I will call "Melissa" apologized that I hadn't been notified in time so that I did not have to come.  I expressed my condolences and asked if she was there when he died.  She said, "Yes, and it was the strangest thing."  She pulled me out into the hallway and asked me if I had remembered the conversation we had two days prior.

Two days ago, she had asked me, "Is it true that when their feet turn blue, that is the sign that the time is near?  That is what the nurse said."  I smiled.  I know that at this time, when a loved one is dying, the words I say will be remembered.  I need to be extra thoughtful in my communication.  I also do not want to ever contradict another staff member.

I said, "Yes, it is true.  However..." and then I began to explain to her the spiritual side of things.  That the more that I have worked in hospice, the more I know that the timing is much more mysterious.  Sometimes the feet don't change.  Sometimes they do and the person doesn't die.  What I told her is that there is a plan, and it's something that we don't get to know until later.  I told her, "If you are meant to be there, you will be... but sometimes, no matter how much you love them, they would rather spare you of the moment."  I told her that it can be nearly impossible to predict which way the patient will want it, but after the fact, it will always seem clear that how it happened was the way it was supposed to happen.

Her eyes got big and she told me that her father in law had passed just minutes after they had left the room.  Her own experience confirmed for her what I was saying.  She thanked me for the conversation and went to work.

Fast forward to today.  This is what Melissa told me in the hallway.  Melissa had been thinking about what I had told her.  She decided to have a conversation with her dad, "Ed."  She told him lovingly, "Dad, you and I both know that I am the only one in the family who can handle being here when you go.  Everyone has said their goodbyes... I will look after them.  You need to go while it's on my shift."

Within just a couple of minutes, his breathing changed.  The nurse acknowledged that it would be soon.  Melissa called her family.  Knowing that they were on their way, he knew it was time.  Ed died within five minutes of his daughter telling him it was time to go.  She said he took three breaths and it was a peaceful transition.

So then after Melissa had told me the story, we both found significance in the fact that I had not been notified.   It was important to her to tell me the story, and it was helpful for me to hear it.

Synchronicity in the News: Turtles

This is the ultimate in synchronicity - turtles synchronize their births. Now, before you say that they were all conceived at the same time, the article mentions that due to environmental conditions the eggs actually develop at different rates but somehow they all come together and hatch in unison. This is just one more example that demonstrates the universe is much more complex and connected than we can even fathom.

http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2011/12/02/143063453/study-finds-turtle-embryos-communicate-to-synchronize-hatching?sc=fb&cc=fp

Directional Synchronicity: Right Time, Right Place

My friends Tom and Ross are from the metaphysical group I belong to. They wanted to go on an excursion and a bit of a ghost hunt to Granville, OH. The plan was to have dinner at the Buxton Inn, which touts itself as "America's most ghostly country inn." I cancelled the first trip we had planned because I was not feeling well, so we went the following week.

After dinner we were exploring the basement of the Granville Inn, which is across the street and also known to be haunted. We ran into D., an employee, who just happened to be drawn downstairs at the same time we were there. I was sitting across the room from him and I could see in my mind's eye a spirit attached to him. It felt loving and very fond of him and interested in him. I assumed it was one of the Inn's ghosts but when I told him, he said he had felt that his grandfather was with him. He was having some personal challenges and so it was a comfort to him for me to validate what he had already felt on his own. He expressed delight in meeting us and within minutes we all bonded and exchanged information and D is planning on coming to our next group gathering. When we left the Inn, we remarked at the timing of it all with my having cancelled the prior week and D's decision to walk downstairs just when we were there.

So now, you might be asking yourself if we saw or felt anything, and the answer is yes. I saw movement several times, and felt the energies. But unfortunately (like the first time I had experienced spirit activity when my aunt was dying) I was unsettled. Even though the spirits were benevolent, I really did not enjoy the experience. I will not be attending any other ghost hunts.

Directional Synchronicity: The moment he died

Back in 2005 when I first started this blog I commented on two personal experiences with the moment of death that led me to believe that there is meaning in the timing of when someone dies. From my personal and professional hospice experiences, I've learned that the person who dies sometimes waits for people to leave, and sometimes waits for people to come. What can be frustrating for surviving family members, there is no way to know which way it is supposed to be until afterwards. Families can drive themselves nuts trying to 'create' the right conditions.

This week that idea of timing was confirmed again.

I had been sitting bedside for my friend "Gary" at an inpatient hospice for 4 days. I didn't do a vigil, but I just stayed long enough each day for him to know that I cared and that he wasn't facing his transition alone. On Thursday I noted he was starting to change and that it probably wouldn't be long. He was really close to his nurse and she was already on her way. He wanted to take a shower so I decided to go and get something out of the vending machine. I came back to the room but the nurse and the aide said they were still helping him and it would be just a few more minutes. I had heard it was a nice day outside and so I went out to the front of the facility to sit down and enjoy the weather. I was there less than 5 minutes when the nurse came rushing out in a panic to tell me that he had passed. She told me it was peaceful and that both she and the aide were with him. She felt so bad that I wasn't there at the time and I reassured her that I understood and that I wasn't supposed to be there.

Well, less than 5 minutes later, a friend, K, came walking up from the parking lot and I had to tell her that he had passed. She missed him by 5 minutes. She felt bad that she missed him and I reassured her that it was intentional on his part.

His nurse, D. had been on her way from another patient's house when she had a strong message in her head that she needed to pick up small memento of his from his house for him. Then she got stuck in traffic. So when SHE found out she also missed being there for him, she was really sad. I told her about timing and how he waited until I was gone and died before K got there. In hindsight, we figured out that the message to get the memento came right around his time of death.

The synchronicities of all three of us 'missing' the event are too much to chalk up to coincidence.