Mirror Synchronicity: Elvis lives on

Yesterday when I was getting a blood draw, the technician told me her mom went to high school with Elvis. He was a senior when her mom was a freshman.

Then I went to my first visit to a hospice patient with dementia and we started talking about music. I asked her who she would like to hear and she said Elvis.

Later in the day, I was talking to a friend who went to the ADEC conference in Atlanta this year. The friend brought up a really interesting presentation that she had seen about celebrities who live on in lore...and of course, my friend mentioned Elvis as an example. I screamed in her ear.

Elvis lives on.  Two synchros in one day and I wouldn't have bothered, but after I heard the third, I had to post.

Mirror Synchronicity: Ninjas on the mind

For the past two months, I have been working on an article connecting ninjutsu to hospice. I read multiple books and wrote my article. I sent it to our editor and then she had several changes which I found discouraging. I let the article sit for another two weeks and then finally resolved to finish it.  You can read it here if you're interested...

Immediately after I finished it, I texted my one of the other editors to let him know that it was finally done. Then I looked at the mail stack that my husband had left for me, and I had a Postcrossing postcard from Japan with tiny ninja stickers on it.

The following day, I received another package in the mail and it was Japanese Newsweek with an article that I was in!

I think I'm turning Japanese. I think I'm turning Japanese.,. I really think so. Honestly though, I love Japan. My family was stationed in Okinawa when I was an infant and I was told at one time my first words were Japanese... 

Directional Synchronicity: Gen Silent Day of Synchronicities

Do you ever have one of those days where everything seems to be synchronous?  Yesterday was one of those days for me.  I went to attend a film screening and panel discussion of the movie Gen Silent.

As a side-bar, the movie is a powerful story about LGBT elders and how historical LGBT discrimination leads many elders to go back into the closet (or never come out.)  I would highly recommend viewing this film.  If you don't know any elders who are gay, that could be because they haven't felt comfortable enough sharing.

The Student
My former supervisor told me her current student Stephanie was going to be at the movie.  She wanted me to meet Stephanie, because Stephanie has the role that I used to have when I was a student.  I asked what Stephanie looked like and she told me Stephanie had slightly red hair and glasses.  That's it.

When I saw how crowded the the theater was, I though there was no way I would ever find her as there were over one hundred people.  Then it occurred to me to just take a seat and Stephanie would come to me.  Now Stephanie did not know her supervisor wanted us to meet, so she was not on the lookout for me.
Yet, lo and behold, a young woman with red hair and glasses sat down diagonally in front of me.

I asked her if she was Stephanie S. and she said, "Yes?!" and was quite confused because she did not know me.  I told her who I was and immediately she was shocked.  How did you know it was me?  I grinned and told her I was psychic.  We got to chat about her internship and I gave her some advice from my experience there.  Later on, she was still shaking her head.  I told her that is how synchronicity works.

The Phone Call
I had been told I would be receiving a phone call from a human resources person to set up an interview for next week.  Since the movie and panel discussion was set to go until after 5:00 p.m. I was worried that I would miss the call.  I had my phone volume turned off.  Luckily, the call come in during the only ten minute break, so I did not miss it.  Perhaps just a coincidence, but I felt that it was synchronous.

The Introduction
After the movie screening and panel discussion there was a 'resource exchange' meeting where social workers could share ideas.  It was crowded, and the person I wanted to talk to was busy,  So it happened that I ended up next to my former professor who was talking to a student who has many of the same interests as I do.  The student is very passionate about hospice and end-of-life issues, and I just happened to be in need of someone to co-facilitate my next Death Cafe event.  She is available and was so grateful for the opportunity.  As another synchronicity, her mother was standing next to her and we knew each other from somewhere but I got called away before I could figure it out.

Directional Synchronicity: The Right Time

The more hospice experiences I have, the more sure I am that there is a significance and a plan to the timing of a patient's death.  I have written about timing before here.  Today I was on my way to sit bedside with a patient who was actively dying.  I will call him "Ed."  I was supposed to start at 8 am but I felt directed to get there a few minutes early.  Sure enough, when I walked back to the room, the whole family was there and they told me that he had just passed.

Ed's daughter, whom I will call "Melissa" apologized that I hadn't been notified in time so that I did not have to come.  I expressed my condolences and asked if she was there when he died.  She said, "Yes, and it was the strangest thing."  She pulled me out into the hallway and asked me if I had remembered the conversation we had two days prior.

Two days ago, she had asked me, "Is it true that when their feet turn blue, that is the sign that the time is near?  That is what the nurse said."  I smiled.  I know that at this time, when a loved one is dying, the words I say will be remembered.  I need to be extra thoughtful in my communication.  I also do not want to ever contradict another staff member.

I said, "Yes, it is true.  However..." and then I began to explain to her the spiritual side of things.  That the more that I have worked in hospice, the more I know that the timing is much more mysterious.  Sometimes the feet don't change.  Sometimes they do and the person doesn't die.  What I told her is that there is a plan, and it's something that we don't get to know until later.  I told her, "If you are meant to be there, you will be... but sometimes, no matter how much you love them, they would rather spare you of the moment."  I told her that it can be nearly impossible to predict which way the patient will want it, but after the fact, it will always seem clear that how it happened was the way it was supposed to happen.

Her eyes got big and she told me that her father in law had passed just minutes after they had left the room.  Her own experience confirmed for her what I was saying.  She thanked me for the conversation and went to work.

Fast forward to today.  This is what Melissa told me in the hallway.  Melissa had been thinking about what I had told her.  She decided to have a conversation with her dad, "Ed."  She told him lovingly, "Dad, you and I both know that I am the only one in the family who can handle being here when you go.  Everyone has said their goodbyes... I will look after them.  You need to go while it's on my shift."

Within just a couple of minutes, his breathing changed.  The nurse acknowledged that it would be soon.  Melissa called her family.  Knowing that they were on their way, he knew it was time.  Ed died within five minutes of his daughter telling him it was time to go.  She said he took three breaths and it was a peaceful transition.

So then after Melissa had told me the story, we both found significance in the fact that I had not been notified.   It was important to her to tell me the story, and it was helpful for me to hear it.

Directional Synchronicity: The moment he died

Back in 2005 when I first started this blog I commented on two personal experiences with the moment of death that led me to believe that there is meaning in the timing of when someone dies. From my personal and professional hospice experiences, I've learned that the person who dies sometimes waits for people to leave, and sometimes waits for people to come. What can be frustrating for surviving family members, there is no way to know which way it is supposed to be until afterwards. Families can drive themselves nuts trying to 'create' the right conditions.

This week that idea of timing was confirmed again.

I had been sitting bedside for my friend "Gary" at an inpatient hospice for 4 days. I didn't do a vigil, but I just stayed long enough each day for him to know that I cared and that he wasn't facing his transition alone. On Thursday I noted he was starting to change and that it probably wouldn't be long. He was really close to his nurse and she was already on her way. He wanted to take a shower so I decided to go and get something out of the vending machine. I came back to the room but the nurse and the aide said they were still helping him and it would be just a few more minutes. I had heard it was a nice day outside and so I went out to the front of the facility to sit down and enjoy the weather. I was there less than 5 minutes when the nurse came rushing out in a panic to tell me that he had passed. She told me it was peaceful and that both she and the aide were with him. She felt so bad that I wasn't there at the time and I reassured her that I understood and that I wasn't supposed to be there.

Well, less than 5 minutes later, a friend, K, came walking up from the parking lot and I had to tell her that he had passed. She missed him by 5 minutes. She felt bad that she missed him and I reassured her that it was intentional on his part.

His nurse, D. had been on her way from another patient's house when she had a strong message in her head that she needed to pick up small memento of his from his house for him. Then she got stuck in traffic. So when SHE found out she also missed being there for him, she was really sad. I told her about timing and how he waited until I was gone and died before K got there. In hindsight, we figured out that the message to get the memento came right around his time of death.

The synchronicities of all three of us 'missing' the event are too much to chalk up to coincidence.

Mirror Synchronicity: The travel metaphor

Recently I had the privilege of sitting bedside with a friend "Gary" during the last week of his life. He had cancer and the disease had progressed enough to require care in an inpatient hospice unit. He slept often and his dreams were very active. He would talk and make hand gestures while he was sleeping. Hospice professionals refer to his condition as 'terminal restlessness'. I had always heard that people at the end of life start to experience and express the situation as a travel metaphor and Gary was no exception. One time when he was sleeping he said 4 times, "Get up, get up, get up, get up." His hand gesture was so broad he woke himself up. He smiled and told me he was trying to get his motorcycle on the back of a truck. Another time he said he had a dream about a 102 foot boat. Yet another time he lifted his hand up and turned his wrist. That gesture, too, woke him up. He told me he was trying to start a car. I asked him him about the boat, motorcycle and car transportation metaphors and said, "are you going somewhere?" and he said, "you think?" and grinned. What would turn out to be the day before he died, he wanted to stay in his street clothes and refused to take off his shoes. He would ask, "when are we leaving?" He was so restless that he and I actually took a walk around the facility, wandering aimlessly. During that walk he told me about a scene from the movie Mission to Mars. He said, "I feel like Gary Sinese - about to get in the capsule."