Why am I a new soul?

Sure this blog is about coincidence, but it's also about a spiritual connection to the universe at large. I mean it's all connected. Here's a little about myself. I've been to more funerals than weddings. My grandmother read palms as a hobby and also practiced astrology. Unfortunately, she passed when I was 10. I thought for sure, if anyone would come to visit me from the other side it would be her. Nothing. No signs. In the past 20 years I have lost countless relatives that I was close to. I tried to count and it was something like 14 at last count. All my grandparents have passed on, as well as multiple aunts and uncles and most recently my mother. I meditate. I burn incense. I stay quiet for periods of time. I consider myself a pretty 'open' person. But for some reason, I have never even got a tap on the shoulder or the movement out of the corner of my eye. I believe that our guides are with us, and I've been told by sensitive people that it's sometimes subtle, but just once I would like that shout out to let me know that they're ok.
Unless... I am not supposed to have contact. Perhaps I am supposed to fend for myself. It would be nice, though, to know I wasn't alone.